Poems Sad/Depressing/Dark

Me.

by RelaxingShadow

I have nothing left inside me anymore.

Cloudy unjust thoughts locked inside my tormented mind.

Regrets of past and present mistakes now linger on.

Lies told to everyone I have ever known.

Feelings come to me like rolling of dice.

Never knowing if I will feel dead inside or alive in my mind.

When I look to the heavens for answers I feel ignored.

I dont know what I am doing.

I see the paths I must walk but cannot reach them.

So much heartache inside me that tears me apart.

Judgmental eyes watch my every move in disappointment.

A almost squeezing feeling inside my stomach makes me feel sick.

Sometimes I wish to start a new.

Restart the days that once passed.

Rewind the clock back a few seconds or minutes.

Perhaps to find a time where I was okay.

Or a time when I felt alive again.

Look for answers where none were before.

But time continues on regardless of how I feel.

Regardless of what I wish.

Fear around every corner.

Wondering if I will feel okay tomorrow.

Will I be alright today.

I never know and perhaps never will.

Its a routine with no step by step.

Its a random plan almost set in stone.

Sometimes I wonder if I somehow became addicted to the pain and suffering.

I wonder if its something I need to continue on.

I know inside me its all apart of life.

But for some reason it feels like something it shouldn’t.

It feels like its somewhere it doesn’t belong.

I can not run from it and I can not hide.

I cant decide if I want any help.

Or if I crave the attention.

I dont remember what normal is.

Its a hazy memory in a darkened mind.

I can picture it but I can not feel it.

So I lie here hoping what corrupts me will release its hold.

Hoping one day I wakeup and feel normal.

But when I cant remember what normal once was I start to think it wont come true.

I feel angry at the world and those around me.

I feel sad that this is how its all become.

And it tears me up that I regret everything I do.

I have come so far and have less than that to go.

But I dont feel any stronger.

I dont know how I manged to get this far now.

I dont know whether I should cry or scream.

The cycle of feelings continue on and I cant figure out how to stop them.

I know what brings me joy and helps me forget.

But what do I do if those things are gone.

How do I cope without the only tools I have ever known.

Living should be enough to make me feel okay.

A sunny day should make me smile.

A joke that makes me laugh should make my day.

But that is hardly ever the case.

I can go a hour feeling okay but wakeup and feel dead.

Alone.

Sad.

I dont know how to protect myself from myself.

My biggest fear in the world is me.

My thoughts scare me.

My feelings torment me.

Is this all normal?

Was I just tricked in thinking there was something more?

Was I wrong about my interpretation of the world?

Was I misled in thinking life was easy and joyful.

Is life just a struggle to endure?

Is it always supposed to be so hard to rise from my bed?

Am I supposed to feel what I feel inside?

Is it normal to wish for a better tomorrow?

Do I have to build it or does it just come?

I am confused.

Lost.

I wish someone would give me the truth.

I wish someone could tell me how to make things better.

I wish someone could just understand….

me.

523 thoughts on “Me.”

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    Its a routine with no step by step.

    Its a random plan almost set in stone.

    Great lines. I came here from shitty poetry. I vibe with you, man. I’ve come to see my unhappiness as a misconception I’ve had about the world all my life. Not that I’ve expected the trail to be all happy, empathetic, care free, and aether like, but because I’ve always thought society was normal, natural. I don’t think it is. I think there’s a lot from our past life styles that is left out. We are not designed to sit around, move like clock work, consume constant digital shit. I’m not sure what we’re meant to do, but I’m sure we’re meant to find our own truths. Once you compare your own truth to what’s the “standard”, the “norm”, what you think everyone else agrees with, then you immediately start to feel crazy. One think man, you can change your future. Yeah, I get that in the grand scheme, EVERYTHING is already decided, but you are an absurd human with free will. What you do today will change tomorrow, haha no shit. If you wanna break your own path, fuckin start doing some real shit today.

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